Frequently asked questions.

There are many definitions of a family cult, but they all share similar characteristics.

Adekunle Jr. defines it as this:

“A narcissistic family cult is a unit of highly dysfunctional people that comprise abusers, victims and enablers. Within this unstable and defective unit, there are rules which you are expected to follow. Failure to follow these rules results in severe punishment. This punishment is to inflict emotional wreckage on a victim to get them to give up on their sense of self through intense coercive control. Through this control, a victim submits and accepts the family’s false image and is then trauma bonded to the Cult. Within a Narcissistic family cult, there is an authoritarian leader, usually the matriarch or patriarch of the family. This individual has all the power and rules with an iron fist. You’re either convenient or inconvenient to them. Whatever they say goes, they are incredibly self-centred, stubborn and all their followers must worship them.

They regard themselves as the all-mighty one and you must never question their authority. Their mighty valour draws you close but be warned as you have no real idea what you are dealing with. Their evil nature will control your senses as you dance to the beat of their drum. You must agree to their belief system and turn a blind eye to their sadistic behaviour in seducing and abusing others. This false sense of power is crucial to the Cult’s existence.

It’s at the forefront of all their interactions. This entitlement and hypocrisy justify their actions to do as they please and get away with it. They have no one to challenge them, and most wouldn’t dare as the consequences are too severe. Members of this cult group are broken in by brutal brainwashing and prolonged psychological damage. The leader breaks you down by stripping you of your individuality, mindset and beliefs to take on the false reality of the cult group. This aims to rob victims of their humanity and turn them into full-fledged cult members — The walking dead.

Your feelings, needs, and privacy do not matter. These now belong to the Cult, and they will use them as they please whilst gas-lighting your reality.

You are constantly questioned on what you’re doing and who with. You cannot keep anything away from the Cult because they are entitled to know everything. They will harm and charm you as part of their intermittent reinforcement. This is the way of the Cult, and nobody will get in their way as this sense of entitlement and coercive control pervades every action they do. Their manipulative tools are designed to ensure a victim knows the Cult is in control and superior to the victim. They call the shots and make decisions that govern your life. It has been this way for years, and some Cult members suffer in silence through the offensive, intrusive and constant attack on their lives.

Daniel Mackler describes it as this:

I wish to test the idea from a different angle, and a more critical one, by seeing if the family system fits the Cult Information Centre’s definition of a cult. According to them, a cult is “a group having the following characteristics”:

“[The group] uses psychological coercion to recruit, indoctrinate and retain its members.”

In the family system, the group’s members are the family’s children. Children are not given choice to decide which family they join — that is, into which family they are “recruited” — so in that sense they are coerced. And they definitely are psychologically indoctrinated to become part of the family system: this is known as childrearing. They take on the language, culture, norms, and dress of the family, and often the family’s religion and private pathologies too. And legally they are required to stay with their parents, at least for the first decade or so, if not more. And often, psychologically, it is even harder for them to leave, because the more their parents neglect them the fewer independent emotional resources they usually have — and the more dependent they remain. It is not a coincidence that many of the most abused, dominated, and broken children never leave home at all.

Parents have the power to do whatever they want to control and mold their kids — that is, to recruit them. This is especially true of their young kids. And the more screwed up the parents are the more Machiavellian they behave — and often the less they even realize it. This is normal. They can beat and manipulate their kids, psychologically twist them into a ball, use the silent treatment, withhold love, terrorize or cow them with religion, bully them, put them down, shame them, tease them, punish them, sexualize them, whatever. Their children give them life, purpose, meaning, even daily structure. They live through their children. And their children never asked for this—and generally can’t even acknowledge it without incurring great risk. Meanwhile, many parents actually do raise their children with an obligation to grow up and go forth into the world and make enough money to financially support the parents in their later years. Whole cultures think this way, in fact. Children, to many, are the ultimate financial investment.

Iga Wisniewska describes it as:

Children are the weakest point to the narcissist as he has absolute power over their members. Kids have no right to feel, they have no right to think and be themselves. He is the leader in this game and his children have nothing to do but to worship that cultish environment.

Children get easily brainwashed to accept ‘the rules’. It is like in the movie “Truman show”. Everything is a lie and deception but you are the last person who realizes this.

You have no right to have your own boundaries and individuality. There is no you as a person. The truth is that you never had your own life. When you become adult you feel guilty that you forget about yourself, your dreams and goals.

One day you can find the courage and stand up for yourself and speak up the truth. If you do that to the leader you can be in serious danger of abuse. You must follow his rules, please the master and walk on eggshells whenever he is not in a mood. Otherwise, he will abuse and scapegoat you. He will manipulate and blame you for your faults until you got silenced and obey once again.

The most important thing for a narcissistic parent is not you as a person but their perfect image to others. Your pain and problems are pointless to them. The cultish family has a very distorted perception of how they want to be viewed by others. You can’t reveal the truth as it is highly prohibited.

Kids are not separate human beings and they have no identity. There is no place for individuation. There is no personal likes or dislikes and preferences what a child wants or not want to do.

For instance: ‘Mom, can we go to the cinema to watch a new cartoon? No, we won’t go there. I watched the movie with my friend yesterday.” In her mind, she doesn’t want to do this so her kid must feel the same. This child belongs to her and he is an extension of her ego.

There is no privacy too. She is entitled to go and look at his all belongings. There is control, manipulation, and isolation. If he goes back home, he can be suspected of something he didn’t do that. Narcissistic parents make him feel guilty to confess the lie they project on him.

When siblings live together they are divided and encourage to conquer to war each other. They often take the role of scapegoat and the golden child.

You can also notice that there are not only abusers but also enablers in that toxic family. They are also called as naive flying monkeys.

They shut down your truth in order to protect the image.

The truth about them is heartbreaking. They are abusers but they pretend all is fine and perfect. They aggressively cover up the domestic abuse and let kids know they are all alone with their drama.

There is also love bombing devaluation abuse cycle. It leads to the trauma bond. That leads to the Stockholm syndrome that leads to cognitive dissonance. It happens during the time when you think they are just nice and pleasant.

Believe me, they are not as it is only a game to break you. It is very misleading and tricky mind game so be careful what it is going on. When you drop your guard so they come around and hurt you. Any disagreement is taken as an attack as you are guilty of nothing. The whole cycle of abuse is starting all over again.

It is difficult to break this manipulative, dangerous game. It distorts the victim’s mind as well. Beliefs and fake negative emotions hijack victim to fall into a trance-like state. Lies make him stuck and hopeless.

Luckily there is a process that helps you to remove mind fog and confusion. It can help you to become conscious and clear-minded once again. Cultish family members will never change.

You will never rescue them but you can take care of yourself and get freedom back to you and your soul.